I fucking love the rain. I really do. I love it so much I decided to go hang out in it last night. While I was on the elevator I met a new neighbor, a kindly looking older gentleman who appeared to be kinda scared of me. "I’m far from the most terrifying shit you’re gonna see in this apartment -- you should probably man up," I thought. It wasn’t until I glanced in the mirror did I realize my face was still covered in Dodgeball warpaint. That poor man wasn’t scared of me, he was just justifiably freaked out at the idea of living next door to the world's worst juggalo.
Bummer, I’m gonna have to make a point of catching that guy in the hallway looking like a normal person before I get a concerned letter from the landlord.
I’m cold right now. Like, really really cold. This is, I’m assuming, a side effect of weight loss. I mean, it is kind of a bummer I will no longer be able to survive a night on Hoth, but aside from that I’m kinda glad to see my protective layers of insulation go. Also I look pretty rad in sweatshirts and jackets. I mentioned this before, but fall/winter is the time of year when fat guys look hottest. As opposed to summer, when fat guys look hottest.
I don’t even know what I weigh right now, so we’re gonna go with “115 very cold chihuahuas.”
This protein shake thing is kinda rad. However it is really showing me how bad my body is at being a body. I didn’t have a chance to get groceries over the weekend, so Monday turned into a protein-shake-for-every-meal marathon. Probably not healthy for a normal person but downright catastrophic for me. My stomach felt like Dresden 1945 for days afterwards.