Grocery shopping a new a diet is really weird. My normal routine of meat counter to beans to broccoli to checkout is gone. Beans I can’t really eat anymore, and broccoli I choose not to eat anymore. There are broccoli farmers who have eaten less of that shit than I have and I need a break. Everything I bought was on target for my diet, but I still felt incredibly uncomfortable about it. I broke out into a cold sweat and almost ran out of the Safeway with tears of terror pouring out of my face.

I bought cheese and felt so guilty about it I put it back twice, is what I’m trying to say here. Now it’s in my refrigerator and it could be a big bag of heroin marked “For Orphans” and I would be less uncomfortable about it. That’s not to say I’m not excited that there’s a bag of dairy in my house; quite the opposite. I just need to keep reminding myself that it’s okay.

This weekend was a pretty extravagant stay-cation. We may have different definitions of “extravagant,” mine being “ate cereal and played Call of Duty all weekend.” Probably not the best of ideas, but it was a needed break. My weight paid the price, putting me back at 279. I’m not really worried about this, as my weight tends to do a big drop every Monday, but it was definitely a one-time thing.

My car, which amazingly refuses to just die and let me move on with my life, has found yet another way to fuck with me. I tried to touch the driver side window this weekend, and a piece just fell off in the door. The window itself is fine, but now the thing just rolls down on its own, real lazily, not in a hurry or anything. So every morning I have to scrape ice off the outside and inside of my windshield, and whenever I turn right the window falls down another couple of inches. I guess Christmas came a little late this year.